


The Intimacy of Inquiries

by baunitchief (emeryazure)



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/F, Femslash, Slow Build, you should already know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 11:11:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13500620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emeryazure/pseuds/baunitchief
Summary: It's a slow day for the BAU and JJ has a lot of questions for the team after a long night.





	The Intimacy of Inquiries

**Author's Note:**

> i honestly don't know where this came from? it was just there and i felt the need to write it. it's a little longer than i anticipated and i don't even know that i like it. i think anyone who's read my other fics might be able to figure out where this is going but i figured i'd leave it as a little mystery. it is JJ-centric though as most of my fics end up being since i seem to be endlessly fascinated by the conflicting vulnerability mixed with compartmentalization that her character has. anyway, enjoy!
> 
> i'm going ahead and publishing this even though it hasn't really been edited so sorry for any mistakes.

Jennifer Jareau just knew that this day was gonna be a hell scape from the moment that she woke up this morning. It hadn’t been so much how she had woken up but… she’s not letting herself think about that now as she walks into the BAU offices of Quantico and saw the case files stacking up on her desk. JJ didn’t mind the workload so much nowadays, the fact that these case files were now preselected for her meant that she didn’t have to wade through the hundreds of files every day the way Garcia did. That she was grateful for.

She takes a look around the office and for once, the bullpen seemed relatively quiet despite the fact that Reid, Simmons, Alvez and Lewis were already hard at work on their own stack of files. The blonde glances up at Rossi’s office and even he had already arrived for the morning. She allows her eyes to shift to the left of the elder man’s office and notices the still complete absence of their unit chief so far. It was rare that everyone on the team beat Prentiss to the punch but it seemed that she also was having a rather difficult morning. Her eyes quickly shift away from the woman’s office, not wanting to linger on it for long.

JJ decides that she isn’t exactly up for greetings and with everyone else already knee-deep in work, she figures that that choice is in her favor this morning. So she instead she just dives right into the manila folders. Or at least she tries to. She realizes that she is only halfway through this police report and it had now been twenty minutes since she started it. The profiler sighs as she looks around and still everyone had their heads to their desks so she simply accesses her computer and logs into her bureau email to see if anything pressing had come up, and of course it hadn’t. It seemed like this was going to be just another long day of consults and paperwork. Her nerves are on edge and her attention span was bouncing around out of whatever anxiety had set within her after waking up.

The woman thinks she deserves a damn Oscar simply for the fact that she is managing to look like she is busy working when in all actuality she was staring through a file as her mind was all but blank yet her body is abuzz with a specific kind of energy. She knew what it was and exactly what to chalk it up to. This feeling shouldn’t be so damn all-consuming that sh-

“Hey JJ?” Reid mutters from his desk and the blonde is torn from her thoughts as she instinctively looks up at him. He is looking at her from under his brow as he is leaning over his desk, his long and messy curls are pushed back out of his face now. “Is everything alright?”

“Uh, yeah, of course,” she says at a higher pitch than seemed normal for her and Reid now furrows his eyebrows, his lips puckering the way they tend to do when he was confused. She manages to clear her throat and nod. “Why do you ask?”

“Because you’ve been staring at the same police report for nearly thirty minutes while intermittently refreshing your email,” Reid states like it was facts from a study he read. She supposes that it is the facts of her life at the moment. “You seem distracted.”

JJ just nods in agreeance and shrugs, “Yeah, I don’t know what’s up with me this morning; I guess I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night or something.”

“Is there anything you want to talk about or that I can do to help?” the young genius inquires as his eyebrows peak with curiosity and maybe concern.

“No, no, I’m fine,” JJ says quickly, honestly probably too quickly but before the man is able to dissect the poor excuse, Emily Prentiss is making her way through the glass doors of the offices.

She strolls in and glides down the walkway as graceful as ever in her typical characteristic all-black ensemble and JJ is simply staring again, she snaps out it however at the sound of her unit chief’s voice breaking the almost reverence that the team was beholden to today, “Good morning, guys.”

That’s when she sees the head’s start snapping up from their desks, mostly the newcomers were the ones that hung onto every word that escapes the brunette woman’s mouth and JJ almost wanted to laugh every time it seemed to happen. Like now, Alvez and Simmons are greeting the woman with eager smiles on their faces while communicating, “Morning, boss,” and “How’s it going, Chief?”

“Good morning, Emily,” Tara simply offers with a small smile and nod of her head that spoke to her being the seasoned agent that she was.

Emily returns the smile before stating, “Garcia informed me on the way over here that it seems the serial killers are taking the day off so far so I’ll let you guys get to work on your consults and if you need me, I’ll be in the office.”

Everyone nods and murmurs with wide smiles, most of them happy that they’ll get to go home and sleep in their own beds tonight. JJ, on the other hand, could practically beg for a real case right now. She makes eye contact with Emily as the older woman makes her way past the profiler’s desk. She can’t exactly read the stoic expression on her unit chief’s face as she nods but she knows the distance there well enough yet there was still something in those brown eyes that JJ doesn’t let herself dissect.

“Hey, Spence, can I ask you kind of a personal question actually?” the blonde asks as she swivels her chair back towards the genius who simply nods. “When you were in prison, you said you had to do some things that you never thought you were capable of doing, right?”

The man looks away from the slightly older woman but she manages to see him swallow in nervousness at the question and she starts to regret even mentioning it. “Um, yeah, why do you ask?”

“Well, I was just wondering if you ever find yourself doing things you didn’t think you were capable of now,” JJ asks vaguely enough and the man thinks about the question for a minute.

“Well, when I was hosting my seminars I found myself on my off day watching the extended director’s cuts of The Lord of the Rings trilogy all in one sitting,” he offers seriously and JJ just deadpans, not able to respond right away. That was not the answer she had been looking for but couldn’t say it wasn’t unexpected as this was Reid she was talking to.

She simply nods slowly, “Right, yeah, that makes sense. Thanks.”

JJ turns back to her file now and she just shakes her head to try and rid herself of anything and everything that could distract her now. She was being ridiculous but she knew that in this moment she would have to compartmentalize better than she ever had before to get any work done but she was determined to do so. She had learned from the best after all.

Before she knew it she had easily breezed through three different consults and offered her advice in moving forward in the investigations with local police. Her eyes were getting heavy from staring at the folders and her computer screen. She finally stretches and feels her back pop with the motion. The blonde knows that it’s time for her second round of coffee for the morning then.

She stands up from her chair and easily makes her way into the break room where she finds Matt practically pouring an absurd amount of sugar into his own freshly brewed cup. She’s slightly amused by the sight, watching him with a smirk and wide eyes before she approaches, grabbing a spare mug and reaching for the coffee pot herself, “Wow, seems like you must’ve had as long a night as I did last night.”

Matt looks up at her, he hadn’t even realized that she had been there as he had been staring into his coffee mug almost like a zombie. “Uh, yeah, my daughter was up with a stomach bug last night.”

“Ooh, I know that feeling all too well,” JJ says with a slight wince, feeling the man’s pain. “I’ve definitely been there and I know for a fact that coming here and doing glorified paperwork doesn’t really help.”

“Not at all,” the tall man groans. “I’m just lucky that I have such an amazing wife who puts up with all of that kind of stuff when she knows I can’t.”

JJ nods at the thought absentmindedly as she finishes up pouring her own coffee. She turns and leans against the counter, lost in thought as she sips the hot caffeine. She clears her throat as she speaks again, “Since you’re like one of the very few people here that’s married, can I ask if you ever find yourself just doing something absolutely spontaneous like without your wife ever knowing about it?”

“Uh, no, not really, I find that this job and the hours are spontaneous enough for me and my wife,” says with a smirk as he takes a gulp of his coffee. “Why do you ask?”

“Oh, no reason,” she says with a shake of her head but she can see Matt’s eyebrows still raised at her in disbelief and skepticism at her statement. “It’s just something in this consult that I’m working on.”

“Ah, gotcha,” he says with an understanding nod before he lifts his mug towards the blonde woman and chinks his ceramic to hers. “Well, good luck with that one then; I should get back to it.”

As the man walks away, she feels frustrated with herself. She’s not entirely sure how she was going to get through this day that felt like it was endlessly dragging on minute by agonizing minute. She eventually returns to her desk as well but as she passes through the glass doors she watches as Prentiss eases out of her own office and across the walkway over to Rossi’s with a file in her hand and she doesn’t even bother knocking. JJ has hope that this is a sign of action. She’s not sure when she became the person that actually hoped that a serial killer was on the loose but right now, it’s palpable.

“You think that’s a case?” she asks Tara as she approaches the dark woman’s desk as most of the profilers in the room had witnessed their unit chief’s swift walk.

Tara simply shrugs and goes back to the file she was working on, “Maybe but it’s hard to tell cause you know Prentiss has to be a hard ass with Rossi sometimes when it comes to completing the paperwork.”

JJ laughs at the thought because it was true. She remembers having to actually assist Rossi with all the paperwork when he was filling in temporarily after Hotch left. It had nearly been a complete wreck but they had somehow managed to find a system that worked for the time being. She watches the older brunette’s posture through the blinds in the elder BAU profiler’s office. She could tell the difference now and that was most certainly not a case but almost certainly an ass reaming.

“I think you’re definitely right about the hard ass part,” she says as she pulls the ceramic up to her lips and downs the remains of the drink. “Hey, do you have a second?”

“Yeah, of course,” Lewis nods as she looks up at the blonde, setting her pen down on her file as her hands go to massage her forehead. “Besides I think if I stared at this case much longer, I’m only going to be seeing red for the rest of the day, what’s up?”

“I was wondering about something kind of personal,” JJ says skeptically, not wanting to seem like she was trying to pry into the older profiler’s life. “Do you mind?”

“Not at all,” Tara says seriously with a smile.

“Well, it’s a question that pertains to a consult I’m working on and I was just curious as to why you never settled down,” JJ says while looking at the woman with her head tilted slightly down, looking at her from slightly under her brow. “Is there a reason other than the insanity of this job that kept you from doing so?”

Tara thinks about the question for a minute but it doesn’t take her very long to arrive at an answer, “I think it’s just that, I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who can compete with my love of this job because I’m passionate about it and trying to help as many people as I can.”

“I guess that makes sense,” JJ says with a nod, understanding the woman’s reasoning and to a certain extent she related to it although it hadn’t exactly been the answer she had been hoping for. “Thanks for the help, Tara.”

“Anytime,” the woman says as her arms gesture out in almost a shrug. “You know where to find me.”

“Ugh, same here,” JJ says with a smile but as she walks away, she finds that it immediately disappears. Her weight did not feel lighter upon any of her inquiries but she couldn’t worry about that now. As she sets back down to work and refocus her energy simply on the job and task at hand. She barely even notes when the unit chief makes her way in front of her on the platform on her way back to her office.

She’s winding down on a consult as she is delving deep into her contacts and her computer for the name of someone she wants to refer to help out on the case she was currently trying to complete. She sighs frustrated as the information wasn’t readily revealing itself. She knows exactly who might have it however.

The blonde swivels around in her chair and wheels her way slightly towards Alvez who was sat at his desk behind her as she asks, “Hey Luke, do you have the name of that FBI coroner in North Carolina that helped us on our last case there? I need her info and can't seem to find it in the database.”

Luke looks up and thinks momentarily before he opens his desk and scours slightly before he pulls out a couple of files full of business cards. She nearly wants to laugh at this man’s filing style or lack thereof. For a military man who kept his desk spick and span and clear of most personal property, his drawers seemed to show the more slightly disorganized side to the man.

“Can I ask you a question, Alvez?” JJ asks absentmindedly while she waits patiently for him to retrieve her desired contact from the mess.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” he nods distractedly and seeming to get frustrated with himself as he scans the file that he thought he had decided to place the card with the coroner’s name.

“This might seem like a random question but have you ever cheated on a girlfriend?” JJ inquires and she’s not really sure why it’s so easy to be so blunt with this man but she didn’t feel the need to sugarcoat or skirt around the issue at hand with him.

He slightly turns towards the blonde agent with an eyebrow raised, “Look I don’t know what kind of crazy ideas Garcia has been filling up your head about me but I’m no, what it is she calls me? Hound dog I believe it was but that’s not really me, you know?”

JJ simply shrugs and nods, it seemed believable enough; Luke seems like an honorable and respectful enough guy for that to be true.

The blonde finds herself laughing slightly at this man’s demeanor now as she shakes her head, “I wasn’t accusing you, Luke… it’s just sometimes we get so many cases of infidelity and crazed jealous lovers that it just makes you wonder if we’re all capable of something like that…”

“I’m not the jealous type,” Luke says with a smirk on his face and then shrugs. “But that’s probably what those guys thought too.”

He goes back to his shuffling of the file as JJ remains quietly lost in her thoughts again. He suddenly turns with the business card in hand and offering it towards the blonde agent who is now staring off into space again.

“JJ, hey, you alright?” Alvez asks with a furrow of his brow. The woman snaps out of her thoughts and sees the card now and takes it with ease, the smallest of smiles on her face.

“Yeah, yeah,” she nods but knows she’s not convincing anyone, even herself. “Thanks, Luke.”

He just nods and then goes back to his own case load and the other woman sighs as she does the same. By the time she looks back up some forty minutes later, she realizes that it’s around lunch time and now realizing that she had completed a total of five consults in nearly the same amount of hours and with her head as backwards as it currently was, she was surprised to say the least.

She knew it was time for a reprieve from the manila folders but she honestly was grateful for their distraction on this day. She knew exactly where she wanted to spend her lunch hour but not finding much of an appetite in herself. She simply stands and walks out of the offices and down the hall to the door of the unit’s tech analyst.

As she makes her way through the security and into the office of one Penelope Garcia, she sees the woman combing through a few things on her computer which makes JJ wonder, “Is this a bad time?”

The bespectacled blonde turns and sees her friend there and is quickly shaking her head, “Oh, no, no, JJ, come on in, my lovely.”

JJ enters the room a little farther now and sees what Garcia was so intently working on which actually isn’t turning out to be work at all. She sees what looks like a video game gracing the other blonde’s screen and she can’t hide the smirk that laces her lips and she shakes her head, “Slow day?”

“Oh my god, I am not one to hope that there are mass killers out there but right now, I am dying for something, even just a new consult to come across my desk,” Garcia announces with a groan. “Please tell me you need my help on whatever you’re working on?”

“That bad, huh?” JJ chuckles but she understood the tech analyst’s resolve. It was always strange when these kinds of days happen and it wasn’t very often in the chaos of their jobs that a day as dead as this one hit, it was always a little unsettling for all of them. “And no, I sadly don’t have anything for your particular set of skills yet but I thought I’d use lunch to visit the comforting lair of my favorite blonde.”

“Well, I am honored that my favorite blonde decided to grace me with her glorious presence,” Garcia says with a wide smile. “What’s up with you, chicka?”

“A lot in all honesty,” JJ said with a roll of her eyes as she looked up at the ceiling briefly. “It’s just these consults, it seems like all of them are just the result of jealousy or cheating and my head is running into overdrive about it for some reason.”

“Oh, darling, don’t let the monsters get inside that pretty little brain of yours,” Garcia offers.

“It’s not that really,” the blonde agent said with a shake of her head. “Pen, do you remember when you thought you’d cheated on Kevin with Derek and you were flipping out?”

“Uh, I thought we all agreed to never speak of that ever again,” Penelope says seriously as she cuts her wide eyes to her friend.

“I’m serious, Garcia,” JJ says with gravity and the tech analyst can see that there’s something mulling in the other woman’s brain that needed to work itself out. “What was going through your head, I mean did you really think you were capable of doing that to Kevin?”

“Uh, yeah, well, when Derek was the one I was cheating with,” Garcia says with what she hopes to seem like an innocent shrug of her shoulders. “I definitely thought it was a serious possibility.”

“You didn’t think that was wrong though?” JJ inquires.

“Most definitely,” the vibrant woman said with a vehement nod of her head. “Why else do you think I was absolutely freaking out?”

“Right,” JJ says with a nod of her head and once again, she’s lost to the cloud of thoughts that had been fogging up her brain all morning.

“Jayje, can I ask the real reason that you’re asking about this?” Penelope inquires as she is trying to tread as lightly as possible before something dawns on her. “Oh my god, did Will cheat on you cause if he did, I will neuter him so fast that his-”

“No, no, Garcia,” the blonde agent reassures with a shake of her head and wide eyes. “It’s not like that, don’t worry.”

“Okay but I still don’t understand the line of questioning,” the tech analyst shrugs.

“It’s nothing, I’m just being ridiculous,” she shakes her head again. “Look, I’m actually getting hungry so I think I’m gonna go grab some real food.”

Garcia furrows her eyebrows at this woman suddenly trying to make a quick exit but she wasn’t going to push her, she knew that JJ shut down sometimes when pushed too hard so she just lets her be, “Okay but you know you can talk to me about anything and only when you’re ready, Jayje.”

“Of course, Pen,” JJ says with a genuine yet sad smile. She couldn’t talk about this at all however though she had been struggling to all morning. “Thanks.”

Garcia just nods and JJ is out the door. She had lied when she had told the tech analyst that she was hungry so instead she decides to leave the building altogether, making her way out for a walk and thinking through some things by herself for a while, hoping that it would clear the air of all the poison that was trying to fill it and take her down.

When she returns to work however, she finds herself in the zone and not able to break for even a second as she races through the folders on her desk. Twelve consults, twelve cases she had managed to work through that day and conclude to send back to their respective precincts. As she goes to reach for another one, she finds that there is nothing else lining her desk and she sighs. Had she really cleared her desk of any and all case files? She had been overwhelmed at the sight this morning, just for it to be gone by, she looks at the clock now, three-thirty in the afternoon.

She rolls her head on her neck and looks around as everyone seemed to be having similar success with their files as well. They were getting through a lot of files as well, just maybe not as many as she had. JJ allows herself to look up at their unit chief’s office. She sees the brunette woman in what seemed like a very serious phone call. She notes the annoyance on Emily’s face. She decides to leave it alone for now.

JJ glances over at Rossi’s office and sees him leaning back at his desk, tossing a baseball above his head in what looks to be complete boredom. She shares the feeling and decides to make her way up the stairs and swiftly past the unit chief’s office to Rossi’s where she lands a knock and at the older man’s call to come in she enters the room with a smile on her face.

“Hey, I saw you looking nearly as bored as I am,” JJ says with a shrug of her shoulders. “Wondered if you wanted some company or any help?”

Rossi smiles at the young blonde’s resolve and gestures to the chair in front of his desk, “I could definitely use the company but really the only help I need is with the attention span to finish this paperwork that Emily needs done by five.”

“Ouch, she’s riding you pretty hard, huh?” JJ asks with a slightly wince at the man’s predicament.

“No more so than Hotch did or that wasn’t of my own doing,” Rossi says with a sigh. “I’ve come to learn that procrastination is both my best and worst trait in my old age.”

JJ smiles at the thought, she couldn’t imagine still being with the unit at this man’s age but honestly, she never really saw herself leaving ever again either. She thinks that maybe she has more in common with Rossi than she realized. Her next question seems to come out of her mouth before she’s even realizing that it’s rolling off her tongue, “Rossi, you been married three times so can I ask you a question?”

“I don’t like the sound of this,” the man deadpans but a smile finds his features. “What’s on your mind there, blondie?”

“Was there ever anything more to your divorces than just the job, I mean did you ever… was there ever anyone else?” JJ inquires carefully, choosing her words as wisely as possible. “I just mean, you were away so often that it couldn’t have been easy.”

Rossi furrows his eyebrows at the question, seeming to think it over before nodding his head, “I get what you mean and there were certainly many temptations but I never did have a problem staying faithful, not to mention my last two marriages were so short that I really didn’t even have time to really be tempted.”

“I see,” JJ nods her head at Rossi’s explanation. “And they never cheated on you?”

The man’s eyes widen and his head tilts slightly, “Well, not that I know of at least but like I said when you wake up in a bed in Vegas, there’s not really a whole lot of worrying about infidelity.”

“I get the whole waking up somewhere you didn’t expect situation,” JJ groans before she really thinks better of the comment but when she realizes what she said, she manages to keep a calm demeanor to not give anything away, instead she just watches Rossi’s expression closely.

The elderly agent just widens his eyes and lifts his eyebrows before leaning forward on his desk and looking the woman straight in the eye, “For both of our sakes, I’m just gonna forget that I even heard that comment and that shouldn’t be so hard as my memory isn’t what it used to be.”

JJ just smiles at the man’s reasoning and nods her head gratefully so she decides she ought to help him with the current task at hand. She leans forward in her chair and grabs the pile of paper stapled in front of him and he seems taken aback for a moment. She simply shrugs, “I figure since I finished my caseload that I might as well help you with your end besides it’s not like it’s the first time we’ve met over piles of paperwork.”

Rossi nods his head and smiles with gratefulness at the young blonde agent. He had never been quite so dependent on this woman as when it came to signatures and stamps.

So by the time that her and Rossi had managed to concluded going over the budget that Emily needed him to sign off on, it had only been thirty minutes and both agents seem surprised. Suddenly the restlessness returns to JJ however as she bids Rossi a quick farewell and exits his office as he thanks her.

She knows now where she needs to head now. She really wasn’t going to be useful here any longer and she was itching to get away from this place suddenly. Maybe that was more a desire to distance herself from the situation or maybe just from herself in general really. She usually doesn’t mind that this job seems to encompass who she is because she held nothing but passion for it. But today, today it was hard. Today was not the day that she felt like being SSA Jennifer Jareau of the Behavioral Analysis Unit.

JJ is nothing but hesitant in her steps as she wanders down the platform and over to the unit chief’s office. She sees that the older woman has her head buried in a file which she seems to be writing a report for. The blonde tentatively knocks on the door and waits for the brunette to respond and when she does, she takes a breath and steels herself before opening the door and entering.

“Hey,” Emily says easily but there is a definite sense of awkwardness in her greeting.

“Hey, I was wondering since I cleared my desk and finished all my consults if I could cut out a little early tonight?” JJ asks, her eyes avoiding direct contact with the other woman.

Emily on the other hand was astutely profiling the blonde agent. She sensed a definite need to escape and uneasiness in the woman and she sighs. “Yeah, yeah, of course,” the unit chief nods. “I will be in contact if anything comes up, just keep your phone on you although the chances of a case seem slim at this point.”

“Right,” JJ nods as her eyes bounce around the desk and the older woman’s shoulders, arms, neck, breasts. She shakes her head. “I will keep my phone on, thanks.”

“Jennifer,” the younger woman is nearly out the door before the sound of Emily’s voice is calling her back and she stops still in her exit. _So close_ , she thinks. “Are we- I mean, are we okay?”

JJ releases a tense breath at the question and she instinctively knows the answer. The problem did not lie in the fact of these two women together or even Emily at all. It did not rest on the older woman. The problem only belonged to the younger profiler herself and no one else. She made her mess but at the moment, she couldn’t be forced to deal with it just yet.

“Yeah, of course we are, Em,” she says and it’s the easiest thing in the world because they were okay. They were more than okay. It was just that JJ was not, in fact, fine, okay or any other synonym in the English language that were so often used in vain. “I’m just tired, I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night but you know that already.”

“Okay, go home, get some rest, see the boys,” Emily says matter-of-factly with a nod of her head. “Do what you need to do.”

“Thanks,” JJ says resolutely and she is out the door and gathering her things at her desk faster than she thinks she ever has before. She sees and feels the inquiring eyes of the unit watching her as she escapes the office but she can’t bring her tongue to bid them farewell or even care that they were wondering what was going on with the woman. She couldn’t indulge in the thoughts of anyone else when she was so caught up and bound by her own.

It is not until JJ reaches the elevator as it slides open with ease and she enters the empty space that she allows herself to feel the brokenness in herself. Her tension relieves itself only slightly by the tears that were building in her eyes now and she releases a breath to keep them at bay. She has to breathe to keep the anxiety from choking her completely as she was headed home to face the men in her life that she so readily, thoughtlessly betrayed with little regret or remorse. She didn’t feel remorse at all in the actual actions that she had taken the night before, she only regrets that she wasn’t a big enough person to wait and to do it right.

She thinks back to the night prior, really that morning when she had made the decision, had acted so entirely on impulse...

_JJ feels the lips land a kiss on her back before feeling the bed dip and then sink back into place as the body rids itself from the mattress. She hears them shuffling about the room as she couldn’t quite bring herself from the peace that came from sleep. She knew instinctively that in the blinding light of morning there would only be sorrow and turmoil laced there._

_She heard the door to the connecting bathroom close and the water start to run. She senses the restlessness of her mind awaking her slowly yet more quickly than she would like. As her eyes open, JJ’s mind is all but blank. She stares at the familiar yet still unfamiliar room that she resides in. The smell, however, of the sheets and the pillows and of the room was like fresh air to her despite the fact that it seems to be suffocating her now._

_Shifting with wide eyes from beneath the comforter, she feels as her naked body becomes exposed to the sun that was shining in from the blinds and curtains of the windows. She shakes her head so suddenly as panic starts to seep in. The blonde is up and out of the bed quickly._

_Stumbling around, she gathers her clothes from the previous night after returning from the case when she had been too tired to return home. She slips them over her head as swiftly as possible. She can’t help feeling the pain of remorse that her quick attempt at a getaway is setting in her bones. She can’t deal with that right now though. There were too many variables and mistakes and what-ifs that she allowed herself to indulge in last night. They were no longer if-onlys however. They had now come to pass and the feelings that had her riding high the night before, feeling more alive than she had in nearly a decade had her sinking into disarray at the moment._

_As she approaches the vanity where their things had been thrown so haphazardly the night before and become a tangled web of yours-or-mine, she picks up her cell which she realizes is nearly dead now and she sighs. She picks up what she thinks is her badge but hesitates as she didn’t need to carry any proof of her actions the night prior. She opens the badge and sees the face and name of one SSA Emily Prentiss and she sighs._

_She knows that her mistake had not resided in being with the brunette woman and her unit chief at all. No, her only regret was in that she had ever allowed herself to fall into such a loop of cowardice. She’s grateful that her go-bag was still in the car and there was a fresh set of clothes inside of it. The thoughts of the web that JJ finds herself in is too overwhelming for this simple moment and the comforting smell of the other woman’s bedroom. She couldn’t allow this to happen here, she had to leave._

_So she simply picks up and exits as the storm brews inside of her. Jennifer Jareau knew she needed the healthy distraction that would come with being inside the four walls of the BAU where she hoped she could be protected from the emotional waters that threaten to break and drown her completely._


End file.
